Why letting go might be one of my biggest lessons in this lifetime
Intro: On letting friendships/relationships go - a poem by me
Even when seasons change, there are remnants of you in the air
You exist in the song that blasts through my headphones
You live in the memories that are tattooed in my mind
You surround my night like the moon in the night sky
If love was all I know then how could I ever forget you? If I am love and you are love. If we are all love, then aren’t you all I know?
The act of letting go is something that has been a constant theme in my twenties. It has been one of the hardest lessons that I’ve had to learn. Over and over again.
When I was younger, I had a pretty simple dream. I always dreamt of moving out and living with my parents in our own house. I would go to bed and pray for that to happen. I would pray for my parent’s health and for them to stay happy together.
It wasn’t until I got a little older that I realized that no amount of praying to Buddha could save a relationship that isn’t meant to be saved.
My parents separated when I was in high school. But the years leading up to that were traumatic and torturous. They didn’t speak to each other for two years before it was over. Even when it all ended, I didn’t know how to let go.
I didn’t even want to think about letting go, so I ran away from it all emotionally. I did everything that I could not to face the pain that had been harboring within me for so long.
I am twenty-seven now and still learning how to let go of that time of my life. That is only one of the many things in my long laundry list of “what I need to let go of.”
What does letting go even mean? Online says it is the process of letting go of emotional attachment and overcoming negative feelings. In that case, I can never truly let go. Because I will never not have any emotional attachment to my parents, my family, my ex-relationships, or my friendships.
It wasn’t until recent years that I realized that if I don’t learn to let go, I will be hurting myself even more. I did everything that I could to hold onto a relationship. I overlooked when my boundaries were crossed. The excuses that I came up with for tolerating abusive behaviors never ended. I would do everything within my power to make it work. I compromised when I knew it was wrong to. I fought through the pain to find forgiveness in my heart over and over again. I did so much to avoid letting go, yet I was still so hurt.
It’s mind-blowing how much we will avoid doing due to our fears.
Letting go feels so scary. It means that I would have to do this alone. It’s like turning the page of a book into a new chapter. Except that the chapter is blank and unwritten. But isn’t that better than being stuck in a chapter filled with shards and emotional turmoil?
Even when I knew deep down in my heart that I needed to let go, my mind would convince me otherwise.
“What about all the memories we had? What about all that they did for you? But you know they still love and care about you a lot, right? Aren’t we being a little too selfish? Are we sure about this? Because it means we might have to do more alone.”
I still battle these thoughts every day.
I had to learn that letting go isn’t a means to an end. The only way I could find comfort in my decision to let go was by reminding myself of my why. Why am I doing this? Out of love and protection for myself and the other person.
Every relationship that I’ve had to let go of was one that I never really wanted to. But I decided to do it because I was exhausted. I had nothing left to give anymore. That’s when I knew enough was enough. I needed to take matters into my own hands to learn how to make myself feel safe. I had to do what I was scared of doing my whole life: speaking up.
In doing so, I also had to acknowledge my role and the part I played. I didn’t speak up and vocalize my needs for the longest. I didn’t draw clear boundaries. The people around me couldn’t give me what I needed because I never felt safe enough to vocalize it. That’s no one’s fault. But it was something that I had to address.
There are a few people on my mind as I am writing this. It hurts me when I think about it all. I still doubt my decision every day. I am constantly reminded of the love. I am grieving what we shared while also sitting with the fact that their absence in my life was a result of my decision. Nothing is permanent. I don’t know if they will ever read this. But if they do, I hope they can understand that my actions came from a place of love.
Letting go is ultimately an act of love.
Letting go isn’t an easy decision.
Nor is it a light one. But it is a necessary one.
Sometimes it feels like the scariest thing to do.
Despite my fear, I can do it because of one person — my inner child. I told my younger self I would become the person she needed the most. I promised her I would do whatever it takes to make us feel unconditionally loved and safe.
I let go to prove to myself that I am worthy and deserving as I am. I needed to prove to myself that I do not need to hold onto any relationship, especially ones that do not serve me, to feel love and validation.
Even if I decide to let go, I never fully let go. Every person who has crossed paths with me leaves such a deep mark on my heart. They will always be a part of me.
Letting go is one of the biggest lessons for me in this lifetime because I am learning how to do it every day. There’s love, grief, pain, anger, sadness, joy, and peace with letting go. I think letting go is an action that requires a lot of strength. It has required me to go against the grain and the conditioning I grew up with.
Letting go can be heartbreaking yet empowering at the same time. It will open up layers of pain that you didn’t even know existed. But it will also bring peace and enlightenment.
Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. But rather, it means you care and love enough to do it.
Outro: There is a song that comes to my mind as I am talking about all of this: Birds by Imagine Dragons. Specifically this verse below:
”Seasons, they will change life
Life will make you grow
Death can make you hard, hard
Everything is temporary
Everything will slide
Lover will never die, die, die
I know that — birds fly in different directions
……..I hope to see you again”